Emmanuel.
God With Us.
So how thick-headed must I be to still wonder?
This moment, I write because I know You have used this as a perfect medium in which to reach me, and I really, really want to be reached tonight.
I shouldn't have to seek a medium, but I am human... You are God.
I shouldn't have to wonder, but I am human...You are God.
I shouldn't have to want to be reached, but I am human...You are God.
You are God...You ARE a medium.
You are God...You ARE wonder.
You are God...You are reaching as far as I need, as far as the east is from the west...
Emmanuel. God With Us.
Emmanuel, I am lonely for them. I am trying with every bit of me that is human to be safe, be wise, be present, but it is not enough. I need you so that I can be safe, so that I can be wise, so that I can be present. I need you to give me the super to my human.
Emmanuel, I am selfishly, humanly lonely for them. I crave them in a human way, because that is the medium in which You have placed me...human feeling. You gave them to me, You created them and sculpted them and enriched them with Your outstanding love and breath and placed them in my womb. You gifted me with the ability to feel a glimpse of the heart-bursting, mind-boggling, indescribably uncontainable overwhelming kind of love that You have for me...You made me their mother.
Emmanuel, I am lonely for them despite my unwavering belief that You are not lonely for them...that You are with them. That You are Emmanuel to them, as You are to me. I am human enough to know that I am begging of You something that is more than. I am human enough to know that asking You to give me some peace tonight requires more than being human. I am human enough to know that asking You to help me understand will take more than just the human heart/mind/soul that I am. I am human enough to ask for the peace that passes understanding. I am human enough to know that You are (literally) dying to give it to me.
Tonight, Emmanuel, I am lonely for them, for their human love, for their kisses and hugs and "I love you, Mama" and "open them, close them, fold them in your lap...Dear God, thank you for this day and for our family. We love You. Amen."
Emmanuel, WE are lonely for them. I look, at this very moment, at the amazingly beautiful sleeping faces of the three that are here, with me, and feel the blending of feelings You have so wisely designed. I see the closed eyes of the boy with the soft heart that hates to be late, whose heart dances when he gets to spend time with his cousins, who is learning to read, and pray, and can barely wait the one more year until he is old enough to go to camp. I see the sleeping breath of the girl who melts hearts with her smile, who proudly shares her grandmother's sense of fashion, who tenderly read a letter aloud from her aunt who had Christmas gifted her with the opportunity to donate a coat to a needy child and gently pronounced that it was her absolute favorite gift of the season. I see the quiet sleepy mumbling of the passionate boy who You are teaching to be merciful, who amazes us all with his incredible knowledge unfitting for a boy of his age, who is working so hard to hear You despite the challenge in his brain that You have gifted him with. I see these three, and I know Love. I see them and I know Love, and I am gifted with a glimpse of the insatiable desire that You have, the desire to see all of Your children home, with You. Your love for the blessed children that are safely under Your wing is separate, and unrelated to the desire You have to remain lonely for the ones that are not clinging to you yet.
Emmanuel, I am lonely for them. I am lonely tonight for the twins, the two that You surprised me with. I am lonely for the one whom You have clearly given the gift of wit, whose charming smile has yet to fail him, whose incredible sense of compassion that You have placed in him already takes away breath, and invigorates us with eagerness to see the ways that You will use him. I am lonely for the one whom You have blessed with a sense of internal strength so bold, the girl that You chose to bear Your gift of tenderness mixed with ferocity that breath is stolen when we imagine the conquests You have in mind for her, journeys that will require both her soft, pink, girly sense of compassion and her brazen, strong, empowered gift to refuse to accept the impossible. It is obvious to all of us that witness these two that You have great things planned for them, and for us through them.
Emmanuel, tonight I am lonely for them.
Emmanuel. God With Us.
God With Them.
Tonight, Emmanuel, be with them. I don't understand why they are not with me, but I know that you are Emmanuel, that You are with them, and that is enough. It is enough to know that You are God, and You are with them. You are God, and I am human. I am human, and I am lonely for them...
I am human...made in Your image.
Your image, the image of the Lord, the Lord made to the human image.
Jesus. The human image.
The human image of God come to human form, so many years ago.
The human image of God, shown in glory today, by us.
Thank You. Thank You, Lord, for what You did this day...You took humans, who never deserved to know any better, and showed us that You knew better, by becoming human. Thank You for redemption, granted this day. Thank You for fervently, restlessly, unfailingly, without exception, boldly seeking us, each and every one of us, to be Emmanuel. God WITH us.
Thank You, Lord, for being, and staying, with us.
Thank You for staying with them.
Tonight, Lord....Emmanuel. Tonight I am lonely for them. Tonight, I pray, and beg, and pray again...please bring them home.
Emmanuel...
